Recently my single friend, Tobe, was recalling a story of his current wife, Jen, of 15 years. She told of how the two first met. Just the previous night before they met, she told of how she was on a date with another man. After that first date with the other man, she came away thinking that other man was the most clever person on the planet. Then the very next night on her first date with my friend Tobe, Jen told of how he made her feel. She said and I quote, 'He made me feel as if I was the most clever person on the planet.'
Wow what a difference in those two dates, huh?
It sounds as if Tobe did a lot more listening and focusing on Jen as a person than the other fellow. Needless to say he took a real interest in her and created a lasting bond. Jen walked away from their first date with a much deeper connection and a lot more memorable experience than her first date with the other fellow.
What are the 3 most charismatic attitudes? Humility, Enthusiasm, and Curiosity.
Without even being on that first date with Tobe's wife, I imagine that the other fellow did a lot more talking about himself than focusing on her. I'm sure he probably had a great time and came away feeling good about himself. But what about Jen? How do you think she came away feeling from that date? Probably feeling pretty good about him but not so much about herself. That first date fellow probably overlooked the humility part of one of the 3 most charismatic attitudes.
Have you ever watched a TV interview where the interviewer or the host did more talking about themselves than their guest? It is really boring and the ratings are not very good. After all, the interview should be focused on the interviewee. The other date fellow should have focused on Jen and not himself. The ground rules for connecting with another person are pretty much the same as when interviewing. Get the person talking, actively observe, actively listen, give feedback and encouragement, and make sure you listen more than you talk.
The 2nd great attitude is enthusiasm. As far as enthusiasm is concerned, that's pretty much self-explanatory. What I mean is not very many people (as least not many people I know) are attracted to non-inspiring, non-passionate, dull, uninformed, aloof type people. Now don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily mean total gungho, all out type A personality about everything. Simply just very interesting and full of life about certain things. A certain interesting, caring attribute about something certain in your life. That person can be enthusiastic about an idea, enthusiastic about your children, enthusiastic about your spouse, enthusiastic about your future, enthusiastic about your job, and so on. You get the picture.
The 3nd great attitude is curiosity. Do you remember being a curious child? You know what I'm talking about. As a child or adolescent growing up we were always asking 'Why?' Why this and why that and why did that happen this way. Why, why , why. Always asking 'Why' is a curious attitude that is attractive when combined with enthusiasm and humility.